Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
