What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
