and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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