Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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