i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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