So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
