You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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