Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
