Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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