so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
