I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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