Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
