These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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