I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
