You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
