I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
