Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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