If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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