Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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