Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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