I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The Olympian is in my bed
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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