and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
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