So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
