I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
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She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
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I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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