Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
