How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
