my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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