I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
