defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she pinky promised me she was 18
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
