i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
