I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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