I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
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There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
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Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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