i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
