Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
