i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
