Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
