I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
