Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
