I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
