nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
