If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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