I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
