Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
