There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How does one acquire holy water?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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