I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
