your parents love me but you hate me
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
