I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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