I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He shit in the fireplace
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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