One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
