if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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