There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
