have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
