It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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