Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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