can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
