He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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