i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
