i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
