hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
