Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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