That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize