I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
