but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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