so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
