Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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