Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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