i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
