Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
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apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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