Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
