if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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