Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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