she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
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The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
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Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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