the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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