Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
where are my eyebrows?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
