i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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