I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
