wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
