I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
