mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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