Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
