Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
