dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
