U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
