I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
