Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
