yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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