Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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