I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
